Silencing

escrito por Dini Harmita

it's interesting indeed when certain people are trying to silence us with so many ways possible; as finished mi master study i was [also] offered jobs at embassies, i said no of course. at the beginning it was mainly because of the countries, or at least that what most of you know, when actually, believe me, i know miself, as i said, i am too tired for that; i am like the age of Adaline indeed, i maybe 40 but it feels like i am 80 ;)))).

thus si si si, indeed, really nothing to lose for me to speak up; not to mention, i learn from mi mistakes right grandpaaaaaaaa ;)))).  

Kuina this morning mi time: you want to clear your name ruining mine [referring to a song]

me: how do you know?

Kuina: I know! 

I thought, she was referring to the wider problem that involves mi 40 years, especially since universities, that's why i said 'how do you know'. Apparently she referred to her relationships with her parents, she doesn't want to look bad in front of them thus most of the time she blamed me, until few days ago, i heard it e had a chance to tell the truth in front of her parents. I am full of mistakes tamen e when i kept doing that without me realising e no one telling me that -though unlikely, because si si si, i am not even allowed to lie by the God e universe- i felt lazily comfortable to keep doing that, right?! si si si, like corruption, be it 20,000 IDR ;) o as very big as idn to mention, it doesn't feel a sin anymore for those who are so lazily comfortable doing it as their behavioral routinisation.

I think, big possibility because of that, i stood up this time. If i heard it since long time ago also i would stand for e defend miself, because who would?! but deeper than that, i said 'it's not between you and your parents, but between you and your God, neither with me'. Kuina was silenced e we are good de novo. It's very deep because even when you have the longest veil e beard, or biggest crossing liontin, your intentions are purely your business with your God. Based on mi experience, it takes even less than seconds to examine the intentions. How?! Try. Sometimes i even forgot God does exist because i feel like He/She/It es already embedded in every of creations, messages, failures, successes, fames, lesson learned, etc etc etc.

I had been even accused for not taking care of mi familia i think. e si si si, indeed i forgot, that i have been. simply because i remembered today, when i accompanied mom to traditional markets when i was a kid, beside doing the cores. when i was absent, again, i am going to defend miself, it's simply because i thought mi familia was ok without me, e i needed to secure miself, si si si, agora i think most of you know mainly from what.

as a 'grandma', it is also sort of a reflection towards the kindnesses of mi aunties e uncles that i couldn't even repay perhaps. agora i know exactamente how does it feel being them who accompanied me when i was a kid, being demanding, showing off etc etc etc -purely me ok, not Kuina neither our baby-. 

Also, to be able to take care of them es purely a blessing, right grandpaaaaaaaa ;)))). I don't need to painfully deliver them yet i get to spend precious time with them, lovely ʕ•͡-•ʔ.

the message of this post perhaps not for those who stand up for their stances because they already know, we already know, that there are always reasons behind our stubbornness. but, the message es rather for those whom we think should be responsible for making us so. can't really expect from humans indeed but at least after reading this you'll understand e feel something that you never understood before. whatever it is... 𖡎

love, profcbs ઇଓ